


Those 15 Minutes Of Fame (are clearly overrated)

by starkind



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), DC Cinematic Universe, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Inspired by Real Events, Iron Bat - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Paparazzi, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 05:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkind/pseuds/starkind
Summary: ... or: 'That one time a paparazzo got lucky, Tony's stomach got sore from laughing, and Bruce got a lot of issues (literally)'





	Those 15 Minutes Of Fame (are clearly overrated)

**Author's Note:**

> Cracky, out of nowhere, and hot off the press. Basically, this fic is a receipt for disaster. One that I'd like to share because I got nothing to lose >.<
> 
> Link to the culprit that prompted this story can be found at the end!

Tony calls him on a Monday morning at 7 am sharp. He uses the StarkPhone he has given to Bruce as a gift, even if the latter still abhors the idea of having to carry two phones around the whole time. The untraceable, secure technology of Tony's device has eventually managed to convince him, however. “Have you been to Mexico or Spain lately? Or any Latin American country whatsoever?” At first, Bruce only grunts into the receiver.

“You wake me up just to discuss vacation ideas at an ungodly hour like this?”  
Despite being exposed to the foulest growl ever, Tony's cheeky voice never once wavers.  
“Naaah. I am not talking about a vacation. Actually... ah, this is too good, I just can't. Check your messages.”

Bruce's regular phone then gives a single blip and he gropes for it, almost knocking down the glass of water Alfred must have put there sometime. And then Bruce goes very, very still. Tony has sent him a scan of a magazine cover.

Some far away part of Bruce's hyper-vigilant brain realizes his lover nearly chokes on his spit as he laughs his ass off because someone has taken a photo of the Dark Knight in all of his armored-up glory. Bruce does not recall looking into a photographer's lens, so it was probably a paparazzo. A paparazzo who has gone and sold his picture to the next best publisher, apparently.

The worst part about this is that they have gone and photoshopped a rather smug looking Batman onto the cover of a magazine called CINEMANIA, together with a corny line about temptations of a movie. Through the blood rushing through his veins and pulsating in his ears, Bruce focuses back on Tony's wheezing baritone. “... and guess what - the issue's almost completely sold out already because it's Da Bomb! Bruce? Brucie?”  
  
Said Brucie hangs up on his laughing boyfriend only to try and anonymously buy all of the remaining magazines in stock that he can get his hands on. Once Tony arrives at the cave, it is filled with crates, stacks, and piles of magazines. Alfred walks around them to bring Master Bruce his tea, dignified as usual. Bruce still sports his pajamas and robe, a severe case of bedhead and a frown that could make hell freeze over.

Needless to say, Tony's cheerful levity hits all kind of brick walls that day. He decides to leave the newly-found magazine archive before he ends up with a pallet full of CINEMANIA on his toes. Bruce does not even kiss him goodbye, busy tracing the original source of the photo on his supercomputer to destroy all possible abominations in the future. Alfred at least waves at Tony, and he does it with a magazine in each hand.

For a while, _#batmanmoviestar_ trends on Twitter and on many other social networks. YouTube devotes a lot of nerdy discussion panels on the likelihood of the Dark Knight ever turning into a movie star, and how the plot would become an epic blockbuster. The fans are dead serious about the whole thing, so Tony clicks the first link and gets sucked into a myriad of crazy transcript presentations and fanvids.

Batman has basically turned into a stylized, uber-strong hybrid between a human being and a bat, fighting his enemies with an otherworldly strength that makes no rational sense. There are aliens from outer space involved, and gaga-sounding gizmos like a Bat-Flamethrower or a Batplane that shoots nuclear beams. Tony snorts. Bruce will not be enthused about that. Too anti-pacifistic. But the Batplane itself is not too bad.

Tony reads patiently through the +1200 comments on each vid and files away some ideas for himself. If anything, there should be an Iron Man movie, because he knows all of Hollywood, and because he already has an idea who should play him on the big screen. And some of the suggestions could maybe even make for a fantastic, souped-up Batsuit. Too bad Bruce will never let him near his holy black frock.

Speaking of which, back to Bruce.

Bruce takes the whole incident and the week that follows as well (read: bad) as expected. He is even more exhausted after having to escape hoards of crazed autograph hunters who are far more persistent than the GCPD and even manages to let Catwoman escape because of it. Naturally, a grumpy Bruce is not in the mood for TLC, let alone sex, so Tony talks him into a brief visit at the Tower.

As they venture out into Manhattan for overpriced coffee in a fancy-schmancy shop around the corner, they cannot avoid seeing a single offending issue clipped onto a display of a newspaper stand. Tony, sweet devil he is, goes and buys it. He spends the rest of the afternoon trying to coax Bruce into signing it but does not succeed. To show off his utter disappointment, Tony saves Bruce under El Caballero Oscuro in his contacts.

In less than an hour, Tony's StarkPhone mysteriously haywires. Thus, he never learns about Bruce Wayne's official Twitter account following _#bestbatmanactor_

_  
#theend_

**Author's Note:**

> Find the cover here: 
> 
> http://baleheadsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/542191_3547388896837_1636009798_2711029_1254500468_n.jpg

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Coming Soon to a Theater Near You: Batman Begins](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990230) by [cattyk8](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cattyk8/pseuds/cattyk8)




End file.
